I got off with a warning... asshole

On my first shift at my sweet, loving, paying job since returning from break, I walked in and...

Boss: "You missed a shift."

Me: "What?! No..."

Boss: "Yes, you missed a shift."

Me: "Okay, what one?"

Boss: "The Sunday after spring break"

Me: "Sunday was a PART of spring break."

Boss: "I sent an email."

Me: "Maybe I didn't get it."

Boss: "Geoffrey had to cover your shift." (During my shift, Geoffrey is always there, the whole time, simply sitting in the back. To do my shift, all he had to do was move to the computer at the appropriate desk)

Me: "Well during my shift I was at the AIRPORT. Not on campus. Spring. Break."

Boss: "Consider this your warning."

How to deal with compliments

After conducting my first interview for my first documentary, I called roommate to come help me move equipment.

There was a huge camera case (size: large suitcase), a huge metal tripod (size: huge), and a box with lighting equipment in it (not that big but heavy and deceptive because it has a strap to put around your shoulder, but the clip always breaks so you can't carry it around your shoulder anyway).

Since I would have been embarrassed to just wait outside the interviewee (a teacher)'s office right after we had said "see ya around", I made to drag the equipment over to a place with a bunch of tables outside - about 50 feet away. But I didn't have 3 arms, and I didn't want to drop anything at a table and then leave it for any thieves while I doubled back. So I tried to balance the light box on top of the camera case while holding a tripod in my other arm, rolling the case over cobblestones.

As I began to do this, a worker at the school (post office or something?) who I had never seen before looked over at me. "Can I help you?"

"Um, no thanks, I think I'm good" I said (because I'm obviously not very smart, but also because I didn't know him).

"You are beautiful."

(awkward pause) "uh... thanks. You are beautiful too." As soon as I said that I wondered if that was supposed to be an indication of my willingness to go to bed with him. I avoided eye contact.

After a few more awkward moments, the man left me alone and I wheeled my case about 10 feet before the light box fell off and almost crashed to the ground. Obviously I did need some help. But... oh well. At least I was no longer being complimented.

So fresh and so clean clean

Okay, okay. No I didn't get raped and conceive a child and obsess over what to do and go to a sketchy abortion clinic and excise the alien in my uterus but die slowly from an infection as a result of the rusty scissors they used to open me up with and the shoelaces they stitched me up with.

No, I'm actually all right.

Sorry.

BUT I did take my friends to the city and go to a comedy club and walk around and explore museums and lose all pleasurable sensation in my feet, allowing the painful sensations to grow in strength and ability, much like the Daredevil's other senses improved to compensate for his blindness.

And yes, I may have had too much caffeine.

I'm at my dad's place. And so far, I've had to teach him how to unclog drains and find a toolbox. I've also had to clean my brother's pubes from the bathroom sink and as a result, ended up cleaning the whole bathroom. It was... gross. And I had to pretend not to see them. I think women only ended up doing all the cleaning because they couldn't stand living in disgusting conditions - and men are infuriating for not caring about it, but on the other hand, smart enough to be lazy enough to get the women to do it for them.

You know what's sexy? Men who clean. Men who know how to clean. And can do it better than me. That is what gets me going. In case you were wondering.

Mmm.

It isn't free, gentlemen

So every year the school does an auction to raise money for the student scholarship fund. Student Senate organizes it, and since I'm a Senator I was at the auction. Our theme: The Price is Right. My job: Vana girl.

My skills of showing off semi-interesting objects are... well... incomparable. First of all, most of the items up for auction were not show-able. A weekend getaway at a cottage? A 2-week internship? Dinner with an alumn? When I was "vana"-ing these items, I invariably just walked up to the center of the stage and smiled. Sometimes I did the hands thing, showcasing nothing but the air beside me. When it was a dinner, I usually mimed eating. I'm not sure why - no one told me to.

Fortunately, there were several giant stuffed animals that were up for auction. A horse, a zebra, a giraffe, a reindeer, and a bunny. The night before the auction, we had found them and played some games with them. There was a war between the horse and the zebra, there was the reindeer attacking the director of student activities, and there was a forest of stuffed animals that we designed. Many pictures.

To my delight, I was given the horse to vana. My vana-ing skills here far surpassed the skills of the others (of which there were 5), as I proceeded to ride the horsey. That's right. Wearing a $150 black dress and suede stiletto boots, I vana-ed a stuffed horse by riding it. If I had more time, I also would have fed it invisible carrots and brushed its mane. But the now turned-on audience had bought the horse. For $170.

That's the price of what's between my legs.

White privilege

There is a space on campus that is mainly for students who have identified themselves as students of color, or who are in identity groups on campus. The space has "open" hours when everyone can go in, but this is only when the managers are there. The door is almost always closed but if you are a person of color, you can get in with your I.D. card. If you are me (white), you have to knock and usually someone will be there and let you in.

Today, I was meeting someone in the space for my documentary (which is about racial identity) and so I knocked. The people inside jokingly yelled, "How do you identify?" several times in varying wording while they walked to the door. I sort of managed an "um....."

When the girl opened the door and saw that I was actually a white student knocking to be let in, she looked embarrassed and said "oh.." As I entered the room, the other people in the room looked at me, realized the irony, and we all started cracking up.