Dreadful phone call

Right now, I'm temping for 3 weeks at a construction company. I'm the receptionist, and so far it seems like everyone loves me! (Why shouldn't they?!)

I answered with the standard greeting when the phone rang this morning: "Good morning, [company's name]"

"Hi, is this anycollegestudent?"

"Yes, it is..." (?)

"This is (I don't remember the name) from the temp agency."

All of a sudden, I got pretty nervous. This was the kind of unwarranted call I received last summer from a different agency, informing me that I was not invited back to work the following day, or to the temp agency ever.

"Oh, hi..."

Fortunately, they were just calling to check how long the assignment is for. Whew. I let them know about going out of town to see Dad for a week, and told them to call me first when they had any opportunities after that.

Life = still good. Stories about the company to come. When there are some.

Oh, other than the rope I'm using for the noose over that chair over there?

In between rounds of "Nerts" (don't ask, it's just the best card game ever):

A: "Do you have any extra rope?"

Me: "Extra? From what... my rope factory in the garage?"

Shouldn't we start with whether I have any rope at all?

I throw money at all my mistakes

I forgot my dad's birthday on June 6th. He told me that I had forgotten 2 days later. It was really weird; parents are supposed to be the emotionless fortresses and deal with their selfish children without a fuss. But my dad made a bit of a fuss. And I felt horrible because I love my dad to pieces.

So today I booked a flight to visit him in North Carolina as a surprise late birthday/fathers day present.

Now, should I pretend to forget Father's Day as well? Something tells me the answer is no...

Ridiculous film description

Working at the film festival, we came across a short film whose description read:

"Funny. It's funny, this short film. And short. Did I mention short? Only three minutes fifteen without the credits. So, pop it in the DVD player, sit back, and take a little break. This film is an opportunity to find a few brief minutes in the day to relax, and remember why you got into this business in the first place. You deserve it. You work hard, and nobody really appreciates all the work you do. This brief DVD fits in perfectly with your hectic schedule. View it over your morning coffee. Screen it just before you head out to fight traffic on your way to that big lunch date. Watch it before you turn off the television at the foot of your bed for the night. It's edgy, quirky, funny, and surprising, all in under four minutes."

We watched it. Its only redeeming quality? It was short. At least they know how to market it.

SA

Hi my name is _____ and I'm a sex-and-the-city-holic.

The show has taken over my life, ruined my interpersonal relationships, brought down my work performance, and affected my sleeping and eating patterns.

It is said that admitting addiction is the first step. In my two-step program, the second step is to finish the series.

Crosswalk CEOs

I hate those people.

When you're walking around in the city, waiting for the light to change so you can cross the street at a busy intersection, and before the light changes, some man or woman in classy business attire carrying their to-go salad steps into the crosswalk, smug and superior because they are the first person in the intersection. Their face says

"I know that when the other light turns red, ours will turn green and the crosswalk will tell us we can go. I don't wait for the white neon man to light up, because I know how it works, and you don't. And I'm far too busy to wait for the neon man. I have meetings. And salads."

I hate those people. I like to imagine them crying alone at night because their fiance/e left them for a more laid-back person.

Playing with fire... wait no, lesbians

I am really really REALLY tempted to reply to personal ads on craigslist for women seeking women. To see what they send me if I send a picture of me. Tempted. Soooo tempted.

All girls wear heels

Some injuries creep up on you. They follow you around for a while and you grow accustomed to them. And they don't really do anything. And just when you're no longer aware of them, they pounce like wild felines.

Such was the case with my foot. One day it started aching every once in a while when I was walking. I noticed it the way you notice bird crap on the sidewalk. After a while, I forgot about it. Then on Wednesday, I parked my car in the city and walked the eleven blocks to my internship downtown, got off work and walked back to my other internship, which is basically made out of walking. I have to walk to the different theatres of the film festival before screenings start and hand things out to people in line. Walking. My foot decided it was time. Every step I took, the ball of my foot protested. It felt like something was out of line and I needed to pop it back in, like cracking a knuckle.

Instead, I walked around and winced. I walked on the outside of my foot. I walked on the heel of my foot. I limped. Finally, I went home. I looked at my foot, massaged it, felt around to see if a bone was missing, if there was an extra bone... I went downstairs to get some painkillers, walking on my heel. Now my heel hurt. I made it to the painkillers, but now I couldn't move. Feeling somewhat dramatic, I pumped out a few tears and stood in the kitchen on one foot. It was 2am. There was no one to call, I thought. And what good would that do?

The next day, I went to a podiatrist. He asked me to describe the pain - I was given multiple choice:

"Is the pain shooting, throbbing, sharp, dull, constant, localized...?"

I considered this question in silence long enough for him to seem confused. How do I know what each of these descriptions means? Are they in the medical textbooks? I haven't read them, so am I qualified to answer the question? If I answer incorrectly, will he misdiagnose? I finally responded.

"Well... it's in this one specific area, so I guess it's localized, but it can spread, so I guess it's not too localized. It feels like a shooting pain? But that might be more of a function of the time that it lasts than how it feels. When it happens it feels like it's throbbing, but I don't know if that's accurate since it only lasts for any length of time when I'm pushing off the foot. When I think of the word sharp I think of a knife (at this point I made a stabbing motion) so it's not like that, but it happens fast, and it's kinda sharp, so I guess it's a shooting pain."

As I said all this, the doctor circled and crossed things out on his doctorly form. I was hoping he would leave the form blank and just tell me what kind of pain I'm in. Instead, he told me I have a pinched nerve and gave me a weird little pad to put on my foot. He also asked me how often I wear heels. I told him I almost never wear heels. He seemed skeptical. I laughed nervously as if the notion of wearing heels was ridiculous, and made some jokes that he did not understand. He gave me a prescription for painkillers (not the fun kind) that make me feel nauseous and sent me on my way.