Look, we don't call me an idiot for no reason

Well well well. The Fourth Of July.

Did you know that the sheriff wears brown? I do, now.

About 15 minutes after I arrived at a Fourth of July party, two officers came down and found 4 kegs and 10 or so cases of beer that the party hosts had hidden in the bushes. Also, a box full of bottles of liquor. Apparently that's not allowed.

None of the 15 or so people there are over 21... And one of the people planning the party was cuffed because he had a concealed handgun that was stolen. So... then we all had to pour the ten cases of beer out onto the fire. It smelled horrible... and it looked pretty funny. The problem was, it was getting dark and we had to lug everything up a steep hill. It was also muddy. Good deal.

Well, after dealing with the police for about 2 or so hours, they asked us all for our names, date of birth, and home phone number. So here I'm thinking... crap. Are we in serious trouble?

So I flashed the officer some tit and he said we weren't getting MIPs.

Seriously.

Perhaps I should clarify. By tit I mean questions and by flashed I mean asked.

It's okay because I'm not big on the "outdoors." I would be big on the outdoors if it didn't get you dirty and there weren't any bugs outside. So in essence, I mean that I would be big on the outdoors if they were inside. Which is funny, because there are tons of bugs inside. And that's why I get so upset when I see them indoors - because they don't belong there. This is my safe zone.

Oh so for the 4th of July I went over to an indoor place and got really drunk. I came home at around 4am, and woke up at around 8am and had to rush to work. Now, having not drank any water or eaten anything, I believe I was still a little tipsy on my way to work. And when I got to work, too. How do I know? Because I was nice to the guy on the elevator.

Usually when you're on an elevator with other people, it's pretty damn awkward. You don't know them, they don't know you, yet you feel like you should. I mean, you're in the same building, so you must have something in common. You could probably talk with this person for quite a while if you were both really cool. And not standing in a freaking elevator.

The other problem is that usually when I'm in an awkward situation where I want to look busy, I'll pull out my cell phone. But when you're in an elevator, that doesn't work because you can't get a signal on an elevator. What's really cool is that one time I actually pulled my cell phone out as if I was going to make a call, and then realized I couldn't, but I couldn't just put my cell phone away because then they would know how dumb I had been. Oh but what could I pretend to do on my cell phone by keeping it out? ... prepare to make a call? Not really.

Next time I get in an elevator, I'm going to sing a rap song really loud and see what they do.

... I hope the next time I get on the elevator no one's in there with me...