Young at liver

All right, I'm going to be honest.

I'm a fucking bitch.

Now, let me tell a story about last weekend. My mom became 17 years old in the span of one hour. Pretty weird, right?

Here are some quick facts.

Michelle: Mom's best friend (recently diagnosed with breast cancer)
Dennis: Michelle's husband and designated drink maker

To the story!

I get home from work to find that everyone is at our house. This means all of my mom's best friends and her 3 sisters are there. Her husband (my stepdad) is gone. The alcohol is out. Dennis puts a cosmopolitan in everyone's hands (including mine, SWEET!) and refills incessantly. I've had half a drink when all of a sudden I look over to see my mom absolutely hysterical, crying to Dennis about the breast cancer deal. Whatever, she's tipsy and there are things to get sad about, right?

Mmm dinner is served! As soon as my mom sets down her plate, she walks away and apparently goes up to her bathroom to throw up... too much drinking, mom?

I go up to check on her after I finish my plate and she's sitting there with Dennis trying to comfort her, crying like a sorority girl. I ask if everything's okay and she starts bawling and makes me sit on her lap and hugs me and breathes her puke-breath onto my face. And Dennis leaves to get her water and she keeps asking me if she's a good mom, etc. I'm like 'WHOA calm down.'

When Michelle came upstairs, here are a few bits of conversation that made me realize that this whole being drunk and stupid thing? It's not just for young people. This is as mature as we get.

Mom: "I feel like I'm out of control, I'm the only one who's drunk and everyone else is fine"
Michelle: "Honey you're fine! Everyone's drunk!"

Mom: "I don't know why I had to throw up; I didn't even drink that much!"
Michelle: "You know you can't mix your alcohol! You had wine before you drank your cosmos"
Mom: "But I didn't even drink that much! This is so embarrassing..."

Michelle: "Drink some water, you'll feel better"

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It was the best time I've ever spent with my family. When my mom came downstairs, they turned the music way up and started doing the can-can and pretending they could break-dance. It was hilarious. And I have pictures to prove it.