A case for diapers

Today's topic: Automatic-flushing toilets.




Why? Because they are bad for you. Now, at my paid job, we have "automatic-flushing" toilets. I use the quotes because they don't add to the comfort or ease of my bathroom activities.

As soon as I take a quick pee and stand up, I just look at the toilet while it doesn't flush. HELLO. It's called AUTOMATIC. So then you have to push the damn button and I think to myself, what's the point?

The point seems to be to prove that toilets have feelings. Just as humans make errors, so do toilets. And just as humans feel guilt... toilets feel guilt and attempt to compensate for their neglectful behavior by flushing 4 times the next time you sit down. While you're sitting. I've caught myself a few times actually saying things to my toilet because I must have hoped that I could reason with it. All to no avail.

So, what's the point of automatic-flushing toilets? Well, who wants to get their hands dirty pushing down on the flusher, right? Who knows whose hands have been on there?!!

Well that just makes me think you don't plan on washing your hands. Gross. Luckily, you don't have to touch peoples' germs at the sink anymore because we now have sinks with hand sensors. They go nicely with our automatic paper towel dispensers:

Now you've made your way through a very dirtifying, personal process in a sterile, very non-personal (and maybe even non-involved) way. The only problem is, if you were really that worried about your hands being clean or just thankful that you didn't have to share germs with that icky person who doesn't wash their hands, please don't feel safe. You are especially going to share germs with the people who don't wash their hands. Here's why:

Trust me. Just don't. Ever. Go.

More contraptions:
Pissing all over the toilet seat??? Not anymore!!!