Charlie and the Evil Factory

I've decided that books and movies like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Harry Potter are hurting mankind. They always start out with something like "Here is the story of an ordinary boy. Something extraordinary happened to them." They make a point of saying that cool things can happen to loser kids.

I didn't realize the hurtful effect it has on society until yesterday. I drank a Dr. Pepper. No big deal. In my drinking pleasure, I looked at the label, which spoke of a 1 in 75 chance of getting a mini cooper convertible! The fact that I think those cars are cute added to my excitement. I went up to the computer, took the trouble of registering for the Dr. Pepper site (which meant giving them my phone # and address! Stalkers.), and only after all this did I discover that no. I hadn't won a car.

Fine. My point is, I don't think I would've expected to get a car until I saw that damn Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie. Charlie gets a winning candy bar in only three tries. There is definitely NOT a 1 in 75 chance of him winning since there are only five bars. But that damn kid won anyway. And Harry? Who the hell just turns into an awesome wizard?

These books and movies are making kids believe they're special when they're not! And it's making us all hope for good things to happen to regular people. And when that doesn't happen, we get even more cynical. I wasn't a bitch before I lost that mini cooper. But now I definitely think the world is out to get me. And I'm definitely a bitch.