He needs to be mushroom slapped

Anyone remember my friend BM (Bitch and Moan)? Yeah, well. He's an idiot. You know those people who are amazing and make you think "How are they so freaking awesome?" Yeah, well he's the kind of person who makes you think "Is it possible to be this stupid?"

BM: i was in the mall by my house thinking about what i'm going to do with my life, and i realized something
BM: i've never had a blonde girlfriend.
Me: LOL
BM: now that i'm leaving [our school], i know that that's what i'm looking for.
BM: i'm going to a school with a lot of blondes.
Me: what...
Me: the fuck
BM: blondes and sun.
BM: and beef.
BM: and less people who drink tea.
BM: fuck i hate tea.
Me: ok but blondes?
Me: i'm disappointed, BM
BM: what?
BM: i've only been with brunettes
Me: that is the most retarded thing i've ever heard in my entire LIFE
BM: eh. i want a change.
Me: ok that's fine but do you have to pick your school based on the hair color of women you'd like to date?
Me: there are plenty of blondes almost everywhere you go
BM: well, that, the psych department, its location, the cost, and the availability of resources around it.
BM: but i'll be looking for blondes too.
Me: wow
Me: you
Me: suck
BM: what?
Me: ugh
Me: i hope you get mushroom slapped
BM: 0o
BM: not something i hear every day...
Me: weird, i would have thought it would be
BM: why's that?
Me: because you really need to be mushroom slapped!
BM: ick.
BM: and c'mon. blondes aren't bad.
BM: i'd just like to pay attention them for once.
BM: i just feel like i'm missing out.
BM: i'm in a rut.
BM: the only girls i've ever been with have been brunettes.
Me: it's HAIR COLOR
BM: it's hair color.
Me: HAIR COLOR
BM: hair color
Me: *mushroom slap*