Life is hard. And by life, I mean getting alcohol

Hear: Bridesmaids, Groomsmen, Maid of Honor, Best Man, Bride, Groom

Think: Wedding
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Hear: Wedding Reception

Think: Open Bar
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Well, not quite.

[First of all, in case you care, the wedding was awesome. Everyone was beautiful, my cousin cried while she said her vows, it was so sweet.]

Now. It's hard work living in Hawaii for a week. Not so much the living part, but the trying to get alcohol part. This story isn't a bitter tale of how I didn't get drunk at my cousin's wedding reception. It is a story of woe, but more for those over 21 than under.

The Story of the "Open" Bar:

Well, as I was pointing the guests to the Guestbook, I overheard the guy in charge of the reception emphasizing the OPEN BAR!! ENJOY! Naturally, I spent five to ten minutes finding out whether they carded young'uns, and thinking about what sort of drink I could get without my parents knowing anyway.

Well, after about 30 minutes, an announcement was made: the open bar had run out of alcohol. oops... So you didn't know that 300 people around an open bar might want a LOT of alcohol? No, we figured a beer or two per person. Idiots.

And as soon as they started bringing in more alcohol, they started charging. Yes, the open bar was charging.

Regardless, I wanted a drink.* So, what could I get that would LOOK like soda, possibly CONTAIN soda, and make my parents THINK it was soda? Clearly, a rum and coke. And clearly, it turned out that they were carding. Luckily, I'm an idiot even when I'm sober, so dancing was NOT a problem. Even though none of the guys asked the girls to dance. They must have been intimidated by my 80's dance moves.

*Other than the champagne I got to drink when we were toasting. Mmm!

Hawaii

Well, I am going to Hawaii today with my family to go to my cousin's wedding. Fun! Hopefully I will be able to keep my mind off of work (what work? exactly) and relax. Will post when I get back next Tuesday!

Be jealous.

Big, big loser

I have had zero luck today. I have been looking for jobs ALL day, starting with going to one of the places I applied at last week, finishing with online searching. It's hard to do this and not feel like a big, big loser. Of course I felt really intimidated at the mall today, and more "at home" on the internet, sending emails like a big, big loser. But of course being online only made me more discouraged. That is where I found out that in order to be an administrative assistant (basically, a secretary), I have to have five years of experience. Now, let's be fair. If I have no experience, or less than a year of experience, how am I ever going to get a job that will give me the experience I need to get a job? Huh?

The other extremely annoying thing is that as I complained to my dad on the phone, he said he would have been able to get me a job - I even could have worked for HIM, since he fired his assistant a while ago! But no... I am here.

Well, I guess this big, big loser is going to go back to being a waitress asap. *sigh* If they take me back.

The Road Trip: 100 questions

So, today has been a wild wild day. I woke up after maybe 11-ish hours of sleep, sat around, watched TV, etc. Yes, and then something magical happened. I got The Sims 2 on ebay. Oh yes. The addiction I harnessed years ago may be coming back. oooh the joy of computer games.

So my mom came home today. She flew down to Texas on Tuesday to drive my late grandfather's wife (my mother's stepmom) home in time for his burial here on Tuesday. So the ladies had been driving non-stop for maybe 4 or 5 days? I'm not exactly sure. Anyhow, driving across the country gives some interesting stories no doubt. I mean, don't they have movies where people are driving across the country and all sorts of cool stuff happens to them? So at dinner, I believed my mom when she said "We sure have a lot of stories to tell later!" and then my belief in my mother was ruined when the only stories she told were about bathroom breaks at rest stops and the food they ate one night. Yup.

I particularly enjoyed the part where she said "Oooh it was great, we played 100 questions!" and I was thinking of 20 questions, so I asked to make sure I was understanding and apparently, 100 questions is where you just ask 100 questions about the other person: "How many siblings do you have? What are their names? etc." Basically, a game that makes you learn stuff that interesting/normal people find out by having conversations.

The best part was when my mom came to say goodnight to me while I was watching the season finale of Desperate Housewives. She said "I'm so tired... could you tell at dinner? I was just so tired, I was talking about anything I could..."

So, we could have just enjoyed our dinner in silence? Yup. My mom had nothing to say. And for some reason, that wasn't ok. I heart adults!

A few notes on women

I've had the female gender on my mind lately, here are some things I'll share.

- Don't say "I wish I understood women" or "I don't understand women." By saying that, you're implying that we're all the same. We're not! Say "I wish I understood L 12" or "I don't understand Susan." What makes me happy probably isn't the same as what makes Susan happy, so don't assume that by figuring me out, you figured Susan out too. It works the other way, too. I know, for example, that Guy #1 wants to serve his girlfriend hand and foot and make her dinner every night. Does Guy #2 want that, or the rest of the Guys? Probably not. And if Guy #2 wants that, they have one thing in common - wanting to serve their girlfriend does not make them the same man with the exact same needs. Guy #1, for example, is bisexual.

- I made the terrible mistake a while ago of accidentally insulting my gender. I'm going to take most of the blame, but I'd like to leave a little bit for society. So, I was in my guy friend's room at school and I proved that I was stronger than him by pinning him. After writing "pansy" on his bicep, I called him a woman - obviously he's a woman, because he's a weak man. Yes, women are nothing but weak men. He was being a little more intelligent than me, and pointed out the insult to my gender. He 0wned me.

- It's summer, and as a 19-year old young woman, I keep finding out that clothes I used to own and wear often don't fit me anymore. Or at least not the way they used to fit me. And this is happening RIGHT before I go to Hawaii. Oh, yippee skippy! It's awful that even when I know that my self-image is a result of the culture I live in, I still feel self-conscious in the most stereotypical ways.

"Mildly" bored

Well, I've been mildly bored all week (note: mildly bored means I've just been sitting here, banging my head on my desk, waiting for an angel to come save me from my bored state) and so it came as a glorious happy surprise when I found out that Mr. Boyfriend was coming here for the weekend and I could have him all to myself. Well, I should have known that the arrival of one other person does not make my brain any more juicy and productive. So I ended up being mildly bored with Mr. Boyfriend rather than alone. While this is still better, it is also... well, boring!

Yesterday, before my magical meet-up with Mr. Boyfriend, I drove into the city (and didn't get lost! More responsible, college adult themes goin on!!) and met my new boss for my internship (don't get too excited, it's unpaid). I also met the spring interns, and we sat and ate pizza and talked. It looks like this internship is going to be hella sweet! Not only did my boss (Miss Amy) show me which desks would be more fun to work at, but she was telling us how she was hungover, telling stories about her mother in-law, etc. And of course I was all dressed up to make a "good impression" that was unecessary since I already knew I had the internship. How cool, though! I get to be the youngest person working there! I'm sure I'll have many chances to feel incredibly stupid and useless, so I don't even have to worry about blog material!

Anyway... time to go be more bored? I can't wait.

Responsible, college adult

As a responsible, college adult, I arrived home for a week before going to Hawaii for my cousin's wedding, and arranged to get some things done. I'm looking for (and applying for!) a job, and on Monday I made doctor appointments. I felt like a responsible, college adult, worthy of the 2.5 weeks my parents are leaving me with an empty house. Yes, well I promptly lost my car keys on Monday and overslept this morning, missing the eye doctor appointment that I had scheduled.

Well... what can ya do?

If you're me, you can wake up, say "SHIT" and then go downstairs and make yourself breakfast.

After that, I freaked out. I hate it when my parents use their disappointed voices when I screw up. And I also hate calling doctor's offices when I miss appointments. I must be the least responsible college adult ever, I thought. But I gathered my courage and dialed, and when I found out that I didn't owe my eye doctor a fee for skipping my appointment, I once again felt like... a responsilble, college adult. Although I did absolutely nothing responsible or adult.

Well, I felt bad for doing nothing so I finally unpacked (Yeah. That may sound productive, but keep in mind I've already been here with nothing to do for about five days. So, not impressive).

Damned if you do, Damned if you don't

Well, in honor of being sick for about a month on and off (mostly on), I went to a *real* doctor today. I had been to my lovely Health Services doctor, and they gave me the usual response: "Um... ?" and a prescription for antibiotics.

So I went to my fabulous doctor here and she gave me a prescription for antibiotics (infection in my chest?) and some sample nasal spray because she thinks I have "rhinitis" (basically, allergies). Well, I sniffed up some of this Nasacort and then kicked back and read the monumental information packet to find the side effects. Well... luckily, the side effects don't sound too bad:

Headache and rhinitis.

Hold up. Rhinitis? Yes that's right. The thing that this medicine is supposed to fix is a side effect of taking the medicine. Would you take ibuprofen or aspirin if the side effect was "headache, back pain, muscle soreness" etc.? No, no. So does it even do anything?! Maybe this nasal spray is just water. If I get rhinitis "because" of it (or, more rhinitis?) well... that's a side effect of the "drug."

It is maddening when the court lets guilty criminals go free

As an impoverished middle-class college student, I have several goals for the summer. One of the top goals is to make money. Now, I have a job I could return to as a waitress at a pretty nice casual dining establishment, but waitressing is VERY stressful and that place in particular makes me feel somewhat talentless. In addition, hours are pretty unstable and despite the possibility of getting really good tip money, I'd prefer a predictable, full-time schedule.

Anyhow, after inquiring around, one of my friends said the place she works at is hiring full-time positions. She told me to apply online, so today I shimmied over to my computer and filled out the incredibly long and tedious application. Not that I'm complaining. Well, there was a completely superfluous 37-page question section. It entailed answering each statement with Strongly Disagree, Disagree, Agree, or Strongly Agree. Now, I can see how that would be useful if the questions were things like "I would not take a morning shift" or "I don't like working for you." However, about half of the questions were oh-so subtle statements about leadership and customer service. Things like, "I have no problem talking back to customers" and "I am usually a leader in a group." Seriously, guys. Now you know you can just answer with politically correct statements or whatever you think will make you look like a good candidate for the job. But sometimes... a completely irrelevant statement showed up, like this gem:

"It is maddening when the court lets guilty criminals go free"

Does this have anything to do with being a cashier? With shelving books or serving cappucinos? You're right, it does. Obviously they're making sure if I serve a guilty criminal I will still treat them with the utmost respect. And I will. Because I hide my feelings and true opinions like a big girl.

Mr. Boyfriend's Hard Head

The day I came home from school for summer break, I called up my boyfriend (we'll call him Mr. Boyfriend) and he came over. Shortly after he arrived, two of my friends came over, and we all hung out in my room listening to music and talking. I noticed that Mr. Boyfriend seemed somewhat moody and unresponsive, or just not having a good time, so I kept asking him if he was okay. At one point, Mr. Boyfriend and I were on my bed and I accidentally elbowed him in the head. I checked to make sure he was all right, and then remarked that he had a hard head.

Upon hearing this, one of my friends said "Maybe that's why he's unhappy."

"What?"

"Maybe he's unhappy because he has a hard head."

"Um..."

"You know, he hasn't gotten any in a while..."

"Yea I got it."

It struck me as a little inappropriate of her to say, what with it being so true and all. Apparently that wasn't it, though. Mr. Boyfriend just wanted some time alone with me. And sex.

Mr. Paranoia

On my last day of classes, we were presenting our independent papers to the class, and as we got around to the last person presenting, she said "I'm sorry if this is incoherent or anything, but I'm sick." and then went on to explain that health services thought she might have strep. Well, upon hearing this, one of my classmates who was sitting next to her, we'll call him Mr. Paranoia, immediately moved away from her into the empty chair next to her. The class laughed, and I expected him to move back to his original place, or at least to laugh or make some gesture signifying that he understood the humor in his move. No. He stayed there and looked at the sick girl as if she was about to smear strep throat germs into his soul. The most amusing part to me was that he had already been sitting next to her for over an hour. I think if sitting next to her would ruin his health, the damage was already done.

This is the blog that never ends...

I would like to begin this blog by complaining about all the people who use the internet. I could have a lot of reasons to complain, but the only one I can think of/concentrate on right now is that because so many people use the internet, they have destroyed my ability to get a smart-sounding username. The major problem with this is that I end up looking stupid because people think I can't think of anything witty to use as my screen name or email username, when in reality I CAN think of it, but so can at least one other person. For example, I thought I had been uber intelligent when I came up with the username wittykitty in 7th grade (OK, I think it was my mom's idea. But it still made me feel intelligent). But apparently someone else's mom had also thought of this username, so I have been forced to add numbers and letters. When you see a wittykitty or anybody with a particularly cunning username, just keep in mind: they're not that cool, they just got there first. Damn you all for forcing the creativity on me!

Well, an anecdote I will share from today: I visited a friend's room and was sitting on the futon on the floor with the 6 or 7 people in the room, when suddenly my chest was assaulted by a margarita. One of my over-excited pals splashed my entire chest with margarita. Unfortunately, this was even less amusing because I wasn't drinking anything to share in the "oopsies did I do that?" moment. But it certainly is something that set my day apart from yesterday.

Yesterday, for example, I did drink.