What a cute outfit!

Have you ever bought a white shirt without knowing that it was somewhat see-through?
Have you ever washed your clothes and had them come out smelling like socks?

Did you wear the clothes anyway?
Well that was me today.

I had a dream the other day that I had more clothes. Is that a sign?

Yes.

Why? Because I wear the same 4 pairs of pants and 6 or so t-shirts every week. By the end of the week I am trying to figure out which pants and shirts I already wore so I won't wear the same outfit twice in one week.

Interestingly, my mom forced me to go through a box of clothes I set aside when I left for school, and I wanted to keep a few of them. However, the fact that I didn't miss them much during the entire school year is probably a good indication of how useful they will be once added to my wardrobe.

Oh, also: I hate shopping.

Wish me luck...

Welcome, family! Let's all gather in the lovely parlor and have some hors d'oeuvres

Saturday is my grandpa's memorial service. Obviously, everyone is coming into town tonight and will be staying at my house.

Naturally, when I get home from work I notice that the house is clean, the lawn is mowed, weeds are pulled... all that.

Meet my mother: So pretentious that she needs to impress her closest relatives when they come visit by making sure the lawn is nicely trimmed. And making me clean things.

Now, I usually work on Saturday for a full 8 hours. And since I plan on making up the time lost on Saturday, that means I'll be at my place of work for about 11 hours next week. Keep in mind that my weeks were already 50 hours long. So while this week I only work 44 hours, next week I work 56 hours.

Maybe I should just sell myself to Wall Street. I can feel the grey hairs already!

Has the world gone b-a-n-a-n-a-s?!

Well, Ripsy discussed Gwen Stefani in one of her latest entries and to be honest, it has been on my mind lately. I meant to write much... longer ago...?... about this terrible terrible event.

On one of my first days home for the summer, I was excited. I was driving my car again. I was breathing fresh exhuast, feeling the prickling chill of my hometown in early summer.

Something occurred to me.

In my college, located somewhere, I don't listen to the radio. I don't know the good stations, and I don't listen to them. It's kind of a statement about me. Called "I don't seek out information." Well? That means I don't know any of the hip, cool music young folks are listening to these days.

Imagine my surprise when I thought to myself "I wonder what those whippersnappers are into now" and turned on the radio to hear this:

Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit

Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Again

This shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
This shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S

...
Let's just say I wasn't sure what had happened since I left the radio world. I felt like Brendan Fraser in Blast From the Past. THIS is what's been happening since I left? Oh No.

And I haven't quite recovered. I liked bananas (the fruit). Now, I just don't know.

How to suck at your job

Well hello there! Let me start by saying I like my job. A lot. It's easy, it's simple, it's not hard.

So it makes me wonder how I can still get in trouble.

Fact #1: My boss came back to work today
Fact #2: Everything I did made me look stupid.

Example 1: I didn't know we had to fill out time sheets, so she had to make me fill out one for last week.
Example 2: I didn't know that she had wanted me to stay until 6 every day and not 5:30
Example 3: I spent my break talking to one of my coworkers and right after I got back to my computer I got an email from her - a "kind reminder" that breaks should be taken outside the work area and not near peoples' desks.
Example 4: I emailed my coworker apologizing for getting him in trouble and he wrote back saying "I warned you"

Well then! Now I know why I'll be homeless in under five years!

Happy homecoming, mom and pop

Well, my parents are back from Hawaii. They came back last night. Now, I didn't really take advantage of the empty house very much, nor did I write about taking advantage of it. To sum up:

- Poker with alcohol
- Talking with alcohol
- Showers with more than one person ;)

Now. The shower and the poker happened on the same night. Let's just say our poker friends saw the wet hair and put one and one together. Heh.

Sorry, I'm just trying to be exciting.

One thing that's really exciting: my mom came home and one of the first things she did was yell at me because my school didn't give us aid because she didn't do half of the financial aid application. I spent like three hours doing it while she was in Hawaii, and she gets mad at me? Ooooh no, silly matron. You shall NOT.

Anyway, I'm proud to say that I found out on Friday that I am the favorite intern! Reasons I know this:
1) I am wanted for a project before anyone else can "steal" me away :)
2) Everyone commented on my sense of humor (I know. weird)
3) Arno (that's actually his name) told me everyone thinks I'm "rad" and the other interns are "quiet and 'nice'."

Well don't worry, Arno. I will never be "nice." Or even nice, for that matter.

100 Things List

Well, Intern Andy did one, and here I sit.

Mission: 100 Things List
Result: The following list

1. I have never wished I was blonde
2. I have probably drank [regular] Coke less than 10 times in my life
3. I think the majority of Americans are stupid/insensitive
4. I am afraid of making choices
5. I am afraid of speaking my mind because I'm not sure if my opinions are well-founded
6. I am often over-critical of others
7. Probably of myself, too
8. I lived in Belgium for 3 years
9. I speak French - but I think I'm losing it... :(
10. I always wanted to be popular in middle & high school
11. I used to be a leader, but now I'm more of a follower
12. I ate dog food when I was a little kid
13. I'm afraid of becoming like my mother
14. I wish I lived with my father after they got divorced
15. My dad could have told the court something that would have given him custody
16. The thing he could have said is a secret that I've never told anybody
17. In fact, I've never even told anybody that the secret existed
18. Sometimes, I'm an incredibly greedy/selfish person
19. One example: one reason I don't want to have kids is because I don't want to sacrifice my "life" to raise them
20. I'm afraid of having a life that won't have any significance
21. My favorite TV show is Desperate Housewives
22. My favorite people are the ones who can make me laugh
23. I hate it when people are excessively formal, and judge others who aren't the same
24. These are the things I wanted to be when I was younger (in the best order I can remember): [general] doctor, brain surgeon, teacher, Olympic figure skater, actress, director
25. I have no idea what I want to do with my life now. It scares me
26. I always wanted to fall in love. Now that I am, I sort of miss being alone (pining for people, etc.)
27. I have never put ketchup on a hotdog
28. I used to pretend I was a British girl at a boarding school
29. I am allergic to sulfa drugs
30. When I found out that I was half Norwegian, I checked out a book on Norway from my school library but never read past the first page
31. I think I used to be a lot smarter for my age than I am now
32. The first time I played soccer, it was to impress a boy I liked. He didn't notice.
33. My old dog's name was Jackie Harrison Blue. Harrison came from the last name of my preschool crush
34. I have never worn toe socks
35. When people do things like trace the outline of my shoes, I act like I don't notice because it feels good and I don't want them to stop
36. I'm a lot more shy than I act
37. One of my biggest fears is to be poor
38. I say I'm agnostic because I'm afraid of thinking that God doesn't exist
39. I have a book list that's 18 books long
40. I have a movie list that's more than 27 movies long
41. I am intimidated by outgoing people and large groups of people
42. When I was less than 5, me and my brother threw rocks over a fence and broke our neighbor's bathroom window. When my mom found out about it, she told us that the Devil had told us to do it
43. I hate it when flowers die, so my first boyfriend gave me a fake rose
44. I can see through the whole "romance" idea, but I can't get away from it
45. For my mom's birthday, I used to make her desserts. To make it special, I would make desserts that weren't just "chocolate cake" but something from a gourmet cookbook
46. I miss doing theatre things because it makes you busy and important yet part of a team
47. My mom is a continual source of embarrassment/anger for me
48. The worst gift I ever got was from one of my best friends
49. I keep thinking that someone's going to take notice of my wonderful talents, but I don't really have these "wonderful talents" so it makes sense that they don't
50. I like the taste of cough syrup
51. I like the smell of gasoline
52. If I ever found out I was adopted, I don't think I would look for my birth parents
53. I think the prettiest I ever felt was at prom
54. I don't know if I want to grow up, but I do know that I wouldn't want to go back to any other age. I think people forget that every age has problems with it.
55. I'm sometimes afraid of the dark
56. Foods I can't stand: onions, peppers, nuts
57. Falling in love is much more exciting than being in love
58. Of all the guys I have ever kissed, I've only actually liked three
59. Even though most of them weren't my friends, I miss the people from my high school
60. I make pancakes. They are my thing. Like how your mom might make the macaroni and cheese or whatever. PAN-CAKES
61. Even though I always ordered the same thing, when I was a kid I always read the entire menu before I could place my order at McDonalds
62. I have been in four car accidents
63. I faked an injury in one because I was jealous that my brother (who actually got hurt) was getting a lot of attention
64. Similarly, my brother once got hurt in his sleep (somehow?) and I heard my mom comforting him, so I hit myself on the head and went downstairs crying, too
65. I still kind of want to be famous
66. Hottest actor: Johnny Depp
67. Hottest actress: not as hot as Johnny Depp
68. I hate kids. (another reason I don't want to have any)
69. I suck at video games and I hate playing most of them, because I hate dying in them
70. I've been to England, Spain, France, Belgium, Luxemburg, the Netherlands (Holland), Germany, Austria, Italy, Greece, Tunisia, and Canada
71. My favorite place: home
72. My favorite of those countries: Italy
73. When I was a kid, I was really skinny so adults always seemed to be thinking that I was anorexic or something
74. I wasn't, and they bugged the hell out of me
75. I have always been self-conscious about my boobs, and in middle school the most popular kid in school turned to me one day and said "You're flat"
76. I love capitalism. It's so fun
77. I have cried because a song actually touched me that deeply
78. Before my mom married my stepdad, she asked us kids if we were okay with it.
79. After they got married, I told my mom I didn't want her to be with him anymore because he had said something mean to me, and I was very mad when she refused to divorce him for me
80. I repeatedly would ask my mom if she loved me or my stepdad more, and she would always say she loved us the same. One day she said she loved him more
81. I don't get embarrassed easily
82. I do get hurt (emotionally) easily
83. When I was in kindergarten, I was running on a wet floor and fell directly on my tailbone. It's now out of place
84. I am jealous of other peoples' talents
85. I used to have a lot of stuffed animals, and each one had a name. One time, unknowingly, I named a stuffed animal the name that ended up being printed on the tag.
86. I had my adnoids removed when I was 2 years old
87. My parents have been divorced since I was 3
88. I went to see a psychiatrist once who kept trying to tell me that I was resentful of my father, when in fact (if it's not already apparent), I'm more resentful of my mother
89. The first time I rode a plane, I was 5
90. I get stomach aches a lot and I don't know why
91. I speak French
92. I have been to Disney World at least twice, but never Disney Land
93. I don't believe in the 3 (or is it 5) degrees of separation thing
94. I don't own a credit card
95. I've never had mono
96. I don't have the patience to read the newspaper, but I want to be up to date on current events
97. I wear my clothes WAY more than one time before doing laundry
98. The only reason I polished my nails was to get myeslf to stop biting them
99. I've only gotten my hair professionally styled once (for prom)
100. I heart you


That took soooo long. I changed my mind. I hate you all.

We're all special

It's interesting to me that most people strive to stand out, be acknowledged as unique and different and amazing... yet they feel comforted in knowing that they aren't alone. You want to be different but you want to know that people are going through the same things you are...

Do you smell that? Irony, isn't it?

She may be dumb, but look at that body!!

While driving today, I was stuck behind... a SLOW Porsche.

I know. That's what I thought, too.

"People who drive Porsches can drive slow?"

And then it occurred to me. Maybe that's the way to go, if you get a fancy car like that. Because, while people are stuck behind you, they think "Fucking A this car is going slow! ...But it sure does look nice."

And when people look to see who's driving the INCREDIBLY SLOW car, I bet that rich pansy driver thinks they're trying to see who owns the nice car. We're not in awe. We've seen them before. We know they're pretty. We're looking at you because you're retarded.

Some people are cheap and Jewish. I think that was pretty redundant.

A certain friend of mine has 2 ipods. I have been in desperate WANT of an ipod for a few weeks now, and was elated to hear of this. Because, y'know. Well, you DO know, don't you?

But that didn't work out. She's Jewish.

Me: can i have one of your ipods?
Jew: haah no
Me: why do you need 2?
Jew: in case i want to make you feel poo'
Me: :(
Jew: haha
Me: dont you mean po'?
Me: i'll pay you
Jew: how much?
Me: how much is it worth?
Jew: 175
Me: now, since i'm not really one for BARTERING, what is the LOWEST price you would accept for it?
Me: non-cash payments are also being considered.
Jew: haha
Jew: don't be a tease
Me: HEY
Me: i did NOT say anything about sex
Jew: 170
Jew: 165ish
Me: dude
Me: you're so jewish
Jew: iPods cost 200
Me: you said it's WORTH 175
Jew: yeah
Jew: it's used
Me: right.
Me: if you worked at the ipod store, what sort of discount would you get?
Jew: shit, i don't know
Me: now, how much did YOU personally pay for it?
Jew: nothing
Me: right.
Me: hence, jewish.
Jew: hence smart
Me: in a hot way of course.
Me: but why would it make sense for you to jew me out of $170?
Jew: iono
Me: then why would you do that?
Jew: why not make money/
Me: because you dont need to and because your making money will set me back money that you didnt get set back in the first place. you will be making over $100 off something you never bought in the first place
Jew: :D
Me: i fail to see the joy here.



Well... obviously we're both Jewish here. She wants to make money, I don't want to lose money. But come ON. COME on! COME ON!!!! Support me. Pedro offers you his protection (and so much more).

**Disclaimer: this post in no way is meant to reveal my anti-semetic character. Can't we all just get along?

The exciting world of sitting at a computer all day

Okay, there's no need to prolong the suspense. Everyone wants to hear about this new job of mine, am I right?

I work at Western Wireless. It's an ironic title, and I'll tell you why right now. Because I, living in Washington, live in the West, right? So it makes sense that the HQ of Western Wireless is here. But what doesn't make sense? Where's the irony, L 12? Here it is: People in Washington can't get cell phones from this Washington-based company. Nope. Western Wireless only serves people in places like Texas, Utah, South Dakota, etc.

What do I do at Western Wireless? (This is awesome, I didn't sign a non-disclosure agreement for Western Wireless. At least I don't think so. hmm.) Well, when you call your wireless service to get that new phone or renew your contract (usually both, since getting a new contract makes the phone cheaper), you talk on the phone to our friendly idiots*. But what you DON'T know, is these people fill out an order for the new phone and service and contract and it goes into the system. My job is to click on one of the names (my favorite part, seriously) and update the system so it has their new plan and contract, and then say that the phone hasn't been sent yet. I don't know where it goes. And we always seem to have 362 new orders to process, so sometimes I get suspicious that we aren't actually DOING anything and they're just paying us to sit there and make pretty typing noises all day. But that's ok. Because they are paying us, right? ... Right?

Why is my favorite part clicking on the names, you ask? (YES, you DID ask. I made you.) Because. The people who use this company for their wireless service are from Texas, Utah, South Dakota, etc (honestly I don't remember the other states...). Well?! These people have the most hilarious last (and sometimes first) names! I took the liberty of writing down some ones that seemed a bit funny to me:

- Schneibel (come ON. Say it out loud)
- Fried (how would you like your eggs?)
- McClung (I like her. She's just a bit... clingy.)
- BJ Elrod (That's a first AND last name. hehehe...)
- Teeter (totter?)
- Lollar (oh I don't even know. dollar? lollypop?)
- Mary Snowden (seriously.)
- Shelver (oh, you mean my job at the library?)
- Morales (he's a Satanist, by the way)
- Cupp (haha. no need to elaborate there)
- Parr (what a consistent golfer!)
- Sharer (I hope they're poor)
- Veleta (Now, that's a first name. And it looks like Velveeta. The cheese)
- Angus (Mmm, meaty! We could put Veleta on him...)

Naturally, there are more. I ran into a last name very similar to Shiavo yesterday. Let me just clarify: I ALWAYS process orders for the people with funny last names. Bob Smith is NEVER going to see his phone. (That's a lie. About 6 other people do the same thing I do all day. I bet they specifically process boring-named peoples' orders)

Let me also say, I was going to compare this place to office space, but that wouldn't make sense. First of all, having a cubicle is a PRIVILEGE. And I don't have privileges. I get a "workstation;" basically part of a wall. And I get to park across the street at the state park and take a shuttle to work. What's even funnier is that when I'm finally on my way home, about to enjoy my freedom from typing numbers all day, I think: "Yay! What should I do? Hmm. Um.....? I guess I'll go on my computer."

Also.. that's all.

* I only call them this because they talk SO loud. And who can stay HAPPY! for so long?!

Nondisclosure agreement

Have you ever signed a contract that ruined your life? No. Let's scale down the intensity.

How about one that ruined your blog? Well, I have.

You see, my pretties, I had planned on writing in this blog intimate details about my internship. Gossipy things that make a blog interesting. Well, I signed a piece of paper that said I couldn't do that. It didn't mention my blog, but it said that I can't tell other people "confidential" information, which seems to be a lot of stuff that I'll be dealing with. For example, how to get ahold of Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp.

Actually, that wasn't a joke. *big smile*

BUT, I didn't sign a contract that said I couldn't talk about the people I work with.

Cool fact: My boss Amy was the publicist for the Blair Witch Project.
Uncool fact: The zits on my face from all that sunscreen? They're still there.

Anyway, today I learned how to spy on websites to get information, and then I got to meet the people in the office. I think I'm in love with them. They are so nice. And smart. And old, but... um... refined taste, or some crap like that.

But I'm not them!!

While I was coming home late last night, I kept thinking about my job. Nothing really normal about it, like what people I'll meet or whether it'll be boring or hard, but about how I might change into an American because of it.

The job is 40 hours a week, with regular hours. That means my commute to work will be exactly when other "9-5" people will be driving to work. I will be on the same schedule as the people we consider "normal." Isn't that sort of creepy? I resist it mentally, because I'm not the same as those people. But what if I turn into one of those?

It gets even worse when I realize: I am living at home by myself right now. That means I have to be "responsible" for all the house things: taking out the trash, making food, doing dishes, locking doors, turning lights off. It's like a glimpse of what young'uns today call "living on my own." So I was thinking about my work schedule and about when I should go buy groceries, and I realized: I'm going to have to go buy groceries when the other "9-5" people are buying groceries!

It sounds really stupid, but it scared me just a bit.

(I almost peed myself)

Victory is mine!

Someone got a job and her name is...

ME!

I start on Tuesday, and I start my internship on Monday. I am awesome. I'm amazing. I... don't have to do much except type in information! And make bank! I promised them I could do it.

The job is all in thanks to my good friend L-dog, who got me into a staffing service and the job that they had available magically fit with my schedule for the whole summer. Oh hell yes.


Anyway. I have been lonely since I got home because people are busy and not always with me. But I have had The Sims 2 to keep me company. It is so addictive that I didn't have anything else on my computer for about 2 days. Now... I'm basically addicted to online chatting and reading blogs and playing Tetris, etc. Thanks to the Sims, I got rid of all those addictions and replaced it with one, all-purpose addiction! Thank you, Maxis!

F'real though. I still haven't bought any groceries. Maybe I should tell my mom I'm on a hunger strike...

No... I don't want to die, and I doubt she'd do anything about my strike.

I'd be a pretty bad protestor, eh?

What's cookin'? ...oh, nothing?

I'm back from Hawaii.

So... did you know that putting a generous amount of sunscreen on your face every day will make you break out?

I did.

But... I forgot. What reminded me? Oh, you know, the dots on my forehead.

It's okay because now I'm home, I get the house to myself!!! Which means... oh, right. I'm still trying to get a job.

I decided that while I'm the responsible adult of the house (that's just by default since I'm actually the only one here...), I am going to do responsible adult things. Like learn how to cook. I'm pretty sure I can handle it since it's not like I've never cooked before, but I've never had to do it every day without making solely microwave dinners.

Now, let's remember that I have no job yet. Also, that I am a poor, middle class student. Do my parents leave me any money for groceries while they're gone?

No.

Thanks, Mom!!!